new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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