Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
