She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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