don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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