bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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