then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
