i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
