i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
