stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize