dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
