Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
