My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This toilet bowl is my home.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
