she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
