3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
