:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
