i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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