If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
