he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
