why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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