why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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