Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
