Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
