weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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