dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
