I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
