I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
