The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
