I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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