I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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