I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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