Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
