I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
