I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
