I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
