I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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