I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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