9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
