I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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