Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
