I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
