lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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