Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
