i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
