My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
