At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
