is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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