you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
