My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
