??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
