my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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