K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I've blown a few things in my day
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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