Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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