i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
