Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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