Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
