I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
