After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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