Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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