The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize