I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
