Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
