cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
