from now on my penis is your penis
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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