I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
