New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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