Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
